Maybe We Can Hire ... The A-Team

The A-TeamWe aspire to erudition here at Culture Snob. Not today.

Our task: Re-cast The A-Team for a feature film and a new audience.

We’ll go the Miami Vice playing-it-straight route. No cheeky humor. No cameos.

Our dream cast is a little unhinged, and a lot dangerous. Being enlightened, our team is more racially balanced, and we’ve even added a girl. Sort of. He’s got the cheekbones, delicate features, sensuous mouth, and penetrating eyes of a beautiful woman, at least. Inevitably, he will play charmer Templeton “Faceman” Peck.

My attempt, with no attention paid to cost or feasibility, but with an eye toward each performer’s history:

George Clooney: 'Hannibal'

George Clooney: “Hannibal.” A Gulf War veteran from Three Kings. A smooth operator who’s also sensible, he’s the glue that holds this ragtag crew together.

Cillian Murphy: 'Face'

Cillian Murphy: “Face.” Perhaps too young, but — as any woman will tell you — very pretty. He’s also versatile and has a dark streak.

Don Cheadle: 'Howling Mad' Murdock

Don Cheadle: “Howling Mad” Murdock. Did you see him in Out of Sight and Devil in a Blue Dress? He’s fuckin’ nuts. Don’t let anybody tell you to cast Jim Carrey.

Samuel L. Jackson: 'B.A.' Baracus

Samuel L. Jackson: “B.A.” Baracus. At least then we’d know why “B.A.” hates getting on those motherfuckin’ planes.

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