Bizarro Box Office Power Rankings: 2008, 22-13 June

effed-up.jpgFuck off from Bizarro Box Office Power Rankings. You won’t notice any changes here.

Our rankings for these two weeks were won by two brand-new movies: What Happens in Vegas and The Strangers. Critics love them, and audiences are willing to have sex with animals to get into the packed auditoriums. My nemesis said he’d rather get a hot poker up his ass (probably a euphemism) than watch Cameron Diaz and Asthon Kutcher together, and I’m happy to oblige. To the most recent champion, The Strangers, me say: Watch out for The Happening and The Love Guru; they’re really picking up steam.

And to you assholes who say that Hulk and The Incredible Hulk are exactly the same, you are absolutely wrong. Me prove it to you.

Hulk. Opening weekend: $62,128,420. Second weekend: $18,847,620. Total after second weekend: $100,593,300.

The Incredible Hulk. Opening weekend: $55,414,050. Second weekend: $22,136,060. Total after second weekend: $97,055,430.

See? Very different.

Hello, and if you come back next week, I’ll kill you. Hate, Bons Erutluc

Box Office Power Rankings: June 13-15, 2008
(Rank) Movie (previous week; box office, per-theater, Rotten Tomatoes, Metacritic: total)
(1) What Happens in Vegas (9; 1, 1, 2, 2: 6)
(2) The Strangers (7; 3, 3, 4, 3: 13)
(3) The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (6; 2, 2, 6, 7: 17)
(4) Sex and the City (5; 5, 5, 5, 4: 19)
(4) The Happening (-; 8, 9, 1, 1: 19)
(6) You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (4; 7, 7, 3, 5: 22)
(7) Iron Man (3; 4, 4, 10, 10: 28)
(7) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2; 6, 6, 8, 8: 28)
(9) The Incredible Hulk (-; 10, 10, 7, 6: 33)
(10) Kung Fu Panda (1; 9, 8, 9, 9: 35)

Box Office Power Rankings: June 20-22, 2008
(Rank) Movie (previous week; box office, per-theater, Rotten Tomatoes, Metacritic: total)
(1) The Strangers (2; 1, 1, 4, 3: 9)
(2) Sex and the City (4; 3, 4, 5, 4: 16)
(2) The Happening (4; 6, 6, 2, 2: 16)
(2) The Love Guru (-; 7, 7, 1, 1: 16)
(2) You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (6; 4, 3, 3, 6: 16)
(6) Iron Man (7; 2, 2, 10, 10: 24)
(7) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (7; 5, 5, 8, 8: 26)
(8) Get Smart (-; 10, 10, 6, 5: 31)
(9) The Incredible Hulk (9; 9, 9, 7, 7: 32)
(10) Kung Fu Panda (10; 8, 8, 9, 9: 34)

Methodology

Culture Snob’s Box Office Power Rankings balance box office and critical reception to create a better measure of a movie’s overall performance against its peers.

The weekly rankings cover the 10 top-grossing movies in the United States for the previous weekend. We assign equal weight to box office and critical opinion, with each having two components. The measures are: box-office gross, per-theater average, Rotten Tomatoes score, and Metacritic score.

Why those four? Box-office gross basically measures the number of people who saw a movie in a given weekend. Per-theater average corrects for blockbuster-wannabes that flood the market with prints, and gives limited-release movies a fighting chance. Rotten Tomatoes measures critical opinion in a binary way. And Metacritic gives a better sense of critics’ enthusiasm (or bile) for a movie.

For each of the four measures, the movies are ranked and assigned points (10 for the best performer, one for the worst). Finally, those points are added up, with a maximum score of 40 and a minimum score of four.

One thing about the Hulk movies tho’, this new one has legs because of all the “Easter Eggs” and references that people may have missed.

Planet Comic Book Radio: Yes, the numbers suggest that The Incredible Hulk has better legs. But purely in terms of box office, I’m skeptical that its domestic gross will be more than a few million from Hulk’s. And considering production budgets and inflation, the newer has to be considered a lesser performer.

Hmm. I think that you were just using the “bizarro days” concept as a playful mask for your e-rage, what with the fuck off’s and the i’ll kill you’s.

Anyway, the only movies in the box office’s top ten that don’t make me cringe are Indiana Jones and the Strangers. The Happening was garbage, but maybe I’m the real asshole for expecting something other then a horrible film from M. Night.

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