These are things that just ain’t happening for the Self-Involvement Blog-a-thon, for reasons of time, energy, and tone. Feel free to steal an idea — the blog-a-thon runs until Sunday, and we’re not much for deadlines. Or beg me to complete one in particular.
My Movie Body. In which I reconstruct myself (Frankenstein’s monster style) using the parts of movie characters/actors. But probably with Ewan McGregor’s penis, because I get at least one upgrade, don’t I? Inspired by a certain resemblance to Aidan Quinn.
Talking to Myself. In which I conduct an internal dialogue using only treasured (by me) lines from movies.
The Book of Culture Snob. In which I assemble a book based on Culture Snob by creating a table of contents that would select and arrange existing essays into something coherent. You know, in case a book publisher calls. Adding a fantasy element to my self-involvement, but also trying (earnestly) to learn something about myself and my writing.
You Scare Me. In which I talk about performers whom I would not want to meet under any circumstances, from Delroy Lindo (thank you, Clockers) to Garry Shandling (thank you, everything).
Box Office Power Rankings, Self-Involvement Edition. Bizarro style was easy. This one stumped me.
Embarrassments. See, for example, the comment on Batman Forever here.
Confessions. This is a larger piece than I have time for right now. Actually, it appears, based on the fragments that have been written so far, to be three different larger pieces. One begins:
“Reading some of the entries for this blog-a-thon, I found myself jealous.
“I felt a twinge when, referring to a line by James Dean’s Jim Stark, Jamie wrote: ‘I knew exactly how Jim felt at that moment.’
“I realized: I’ve never had that experience; I’ve never had such a direct connection to a movie character.”
“I don’t know the first thing about acting. Set design, costume design, and lighting are not things I generally pay attention to. My exposure to the classics of cinema is spotty. My understanding of the mechanics of cinematography and direction doesn’t exist.”
And the third, although it wouldn’t fall under that title:
“I have long called myself a structuralist, and I use that term casually and carelessly, largely ignorant of its intellectual history.
“What I mean by structuralism is an interest above all else in the way a movie is put together — not just its linearity (or nonlinearity), but its component parts, their arrangement, the emphasis placed on them within the work, and how all those elements play off each other.”
Culture Snob: A Retrospective In which I would pick highs and lows from the past five years, mocking myself but also highlighting what I think has been my best work.
Home Movies of My Baby. Oh, wait. I actually did that one.